From the Desk of

Dear Alex "Open Source Slacker" Gaillard,

Ho ho ho! I've been watching your GitHub profile, and boy, do I have some coal for you this year! Let's dive into your "contributions," shall we?

First off, 32 commit contributions? I've seen elves make more commits while wrapping presents blindfolded! And don't get me started on that single issue contribution. Did you trip and accidentally click the "New Issue" button? At least you managed to review 18 pull requests. I guess even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Now, about that wish list of yours. A 4K monitor, eh? Planning to watch your lack of contributions in high definition? Maybe if you squint hard enough, you'll see some actual code on that shiny new screen. But let's be real, it'll probably just end up displaying your Twitter feed in crisp clarity.

Lastly, I see you're part of the Directus organization. "An instant no-code App and dynamic API for any SQL database," huh? Is that what you tell yourself to feel better about your coding skills? No wonder you're not contributing much – you're probably too busy dragging and dropping your way to mediocrity!

PS: If you manage to step up your game next year, maybe I'll consider upgrading that lump of coal to a 720p monitor. Baby steps, Alex, baby steps.