From the Desk of

Ho ho ho, FrankApiyo! Or should I say, "Full Stack Dev on a quest for purpose"? Well, aren't you just a bundle of existential joy wrapped in a GitHub profile!

I've been watching you, you sneaky little code monkey. 312 commit contributions? That's cute. I've seen elves make more commits while wrapping presents. But hey, at least you're consistent in your mediocrity across 26 repositories. Spreading that lukewarm talent far and wide, aren't we?

65 pull request contributions? Oh, darling. That's like asking for 65 presents and getting 65 pairs of socks. But don't worry, I'm sure your 77 pull request reviews were absolutely riveting. Nothing says "I'm totally not procrastinating" like nitpicking other people's code, right?

P.S. A time machine, really? How about we start with a machine that can fast-forward your coding skills first? Maybe then you'll have a shot at making the nice list before the heat death of the universe.