From the Desk of

Dear MattatDirectus,

Ho ho ho! Or should I say, "No no no" to your lackluster GitHub presence? I've been watching you, and let me tell you, your contribution graph is about as exciting as watching paint dry in the North Pole.

Three whole contributions this year? Wow, you're really pushing the boundaries of open source, aren't you? I've seen elves make more commits while wrapping presents blindfolded. But hey, at least you're consistent in your mediocrity!

Speaking of consistency, your friend bryantgillespie seems to think you need a minivan for your family. Is that because your code contributions are as slow and cumbersome as a family vehicle? Maybe if you spent less time dreaming about soccer practice carpools and more time pushing code, you'd have something worth celebrating!

I noticed you've starred one whole repository. One! I'm surprised you didn't strain yourself with all that effort. Maybe next year you can aim for the lofty goal of starring two repos. Baby steps, right?

P.S. If your commit history were a Christmas tree, it would be a single twig with half a light bulb. Merry Minimal-mas!