From the Desk of

Dear Eddie "Open Source Overlord" Jaoude,

Well, well, well... if it isn't the self-proclaimed "Open Source DevRel" extraordinaire! I've been watching you, and let me tell you, your GitHub profile is more inflated than a bouncy castle at a toddler's birthday party.

8,362 followers? Please. I've seen bread mold with more organic growth. But I suppose when you're part of the "GitHub Stars program," you attract other wannabe celestial bodies like moths to a flame. Speaking of flames, is that the heat from your overworked keyboard I smell, or just the burning desire to collect more green squares on your contribution graph?

I see you're following a mere 67 accounts. How generous of you to grace them with your attention! I'm sure they're all basking in the glow of your magnificence. And let's not forget your 94 repositories – quality over quantity, am I right? Oh wait, I forgot who I was talking to.

P.S. Your friends at Directus wanted me to mention them, but I'm too busy being dazzled by your 510 commit contributions. That's almost as impressive as the number of times you've probably mentioned "open source" in casual conversation today.