Ho Ho... Oh No!

Dear Jonathan Wagner,

Well, well, well, if it isn't the "open source contributor" from Denver. I've been watching you, and let me tell you, your GitHub profile is about as exciting as watching paint dry in the North Pole.

Three whole repositories? Wow, you're really pushing the boundaries of innovation there, aren't you? I particularly enjoyed your groundbreaking "lesson 7" project. I'm sure the programming world was forever changed by that masterpiece. And let's not forget your daring fork of a mirror of someone else's work. Truly revolutionary!

I see you've made a whopping 6 issue contributions. Congratulations! At this rate, you'll solve all of open source's problems by the time I retire... which is never. But hey, at least you're consistent in your mediocrity across all contribution types.

P.S. I noticed "learn to be a better programmer" on your wish list. Honey, you need more than Christmas magic for that one. Maybe start by actually, you know, programming?